Who we are is revealed not only through what we say about ourselves, but through how we act. Oets Kolk Bouwsma once wrote that a person’s life shows what that person truly thinks of themselves. He made a similar observation about Socrates, noting that Socrates both spoke highly and acted highly, while others spoke highly but acted lowly, and some both spoke and acted lowly.
Bouwsma did not address a fourth possibility: those who speak modestly or even poorly of themselves, yet consistently act with courage, integrity, and generosity.
This raises a broader question about education. Is one of its purposes to help people not only think and speak well, but also act in ways that reflect wisdom, character, and responsibility? And if so, how do we recognize the difference between speaking highly, acting highly, and merely appearing to do either? These questions lead me to consider examples of all four categories and, more importantly, to ask where I locate myself within them.
Who am I encompasses everything I have been, am currently, and what I seek to be. It’s a layered explanation and one that requires an in-depth examination of my soul, as well as a healthy dose of self-assessment and honesty (both of which can be difficult pills to swallow). I come from great parents who did their best in doing what they thought was right for me. Who can fault someone for that? Well, I did for much of my youth… The reasons were personal and justified yet they were directed at the wrong people. It’s a long and personal story so I won’t go into detail. However, the situations I later found myself in, or the bad decisions I made, can be traced to my inability to forgive, and move on. It took a lot of failures, heartache, ruined relationships, and burnt bridges, to finally push past my ineptitude and accept myself for the flawed human that I am.
So, what did I learn from being a people-pleasing, pleasure-seeking, and mind-altered young adult? What made me finally mature and stop wasting the potential I was gifted with? In truth, it’s hard to pin it on one specific thing… However, and I believe most people who have been in my position will say the same thing, it was a process that did not happen overnight. It required me to cut out portions of my life that were rotted while rebuilding my character and integrity. And believe me, that is a long, hard road… Fortunately, I am on the other side of it now and can think on my journey with perspective. Yes, I made it harder than it was ever intended to be, and I learned that I am my own worst enemy, but I’m still here…
So, if Bouwsma is correct when he states that our lives show what we think of ourselves, then I didn’t place too high a premium on mine at one time. Oh sure, I did well in school and read every book I could get my hands on; was loved by many and followed by a lot, but I chose to feed my inner wicked wolf and it feasted. So, I would say that I spoke highly but acted lowly during that point in my life. Also, since we are being honest with one another, there were moments sprinkled throughout that time when I also spoke and acted lowly. I used words as daggers and flung them at those who did not deserve my poisoned, silver tongue. I chose to apply pressure to the most tender of spots because I knew it would hurt and I wanted someone to feel the way I felt. Pretty low, huh? I know…
Lastly, Oet’s final category of speaking lowly while acting highly is one in which I would find myself when my guilty conscience would prevail. What do you mean, Lance? Well, following the moments when I would lash out or speak and act lowly, I would feel intense guilt knowing that I was wrong in my actions. I would speak lowly to and of myself while reaching out to those I wronged in hopes of righting my errors. “I am so sorry for acting the way I did, could you ever forgive me,” became an all too often line for me. I didn’t deserve to be forgiven during those moments. That would have been too easy. The Lessons of Life would not have been as firmly rooted as they are now, and I wouldn’t have appreciated the meaning of “I forgive you.”
So, here I am. In sharing a bit about myself, I hope you can appreciate how thankful I am to be where I am today. It’s an ugly picture but fortunately we have stripped bare the topcoat of paint, grinded through the primer, and are staring at the naked realization that there is “nowhere else to go but up from here.” Teddy Roosevelt’s foreign policy motto of “speak softly but carry a big stick” comes to mind when I think on where I am now. In speaking softly, I am seeking to let my actions and written words be my voice. In past times, I would say one thing while doing another; or my left-hand wasn’t aware of the right’s location (you get the point).
This is where I find myself presently. Rather than talking, I am doing. Rather than wishing for something to happen, I am building for my future. And yes, I do speak highly (and with more conviction than in past moments). The difference now is that my inner good wolf is being nurtured and fed. I am aligned in terms of who I am, where I want to go, and the process it takes to achieve my ambitions. So, if speaking highly and acting highly is the gold standard, then I have run the gambit trying to obtain it.